Thursday, September 1, 2011

29 days of WHAT?

Every year I made a promise I hoped to keep. And as I closed the Quran this year on the final day of Ramadan, after finishing my x # of "khitam" [complete reading of Quran] reluctantly saying goodbye (for now), I made a promise to try my best and implement verse #156 of chapter #2: "Those [the patient ones], who, when disaster strikes them, say, "We belong to Allah, and to Him we will return.'" I just never expected God to give me the chance to prove it the very next day, the day of holiday after Ramadan. But He did. And I managed to catch myself before falling prey to anger and impatience, and as I drove home alone, in my mother's car, as she rushed off to take care of one of the many disasters of the day, I repeated that very same phrase over and over and over.

I spent the remainder of the day alone, but celebrating indeed. A sense of pride did come over that I managed to control myself, that Ramadan's practice of self control and will power came through the very next day and I prayed that it would last for the next 12 months. Until it was Ramadan once again. But as I sat home alone, cleaning the left dishes, munching on cucumbers [I started a diet in Ramadan and I wasn't ready to crash just because it was a party day], I contemplated all the drama that had happened that morning. Remembering the conversations people were sharing. Hearing their complaining voices repeating in my head. Shivering at the immature situations that arose. And I kept pinching myself that morning trying not to wince obviously at their words. Maybe I had been so distanced from social networking that I had forgotten what people were like? Forgotten what I typically saw and read across that disgusting Home Page Facebook has created for us? But the scarier part was that...IT DIDN'T CHANGE.

It made me wonder, what kind of medication was Ramadan for our Ummah exactly? Antibiotics or NyQuil? Was it fast acting or did it take time to break down into our bloodstreams (hearts and minds) before the full effect takes place? Because for 29 days I prayed day and night for the change we desperately needed, and I looked forward to seeing a brand new spirit amongst us , especially on Eid, and then BAM! We collapsed on day one.

Girls were talking about Eid outfits being a total calamity, when Eid outfits were supposed to just be a blessing to have in the first place. People were throwing away food right and left when that same very freaking month African nations were and still are suffering from the worst hunger situation ever. And many were complaining about how "lame and boring" Eid had become since they grew up because it was no longer as fun an enticing as it was in childhood years. My jaw dropped on the floor! Seriously? The entire purpose of our holiday in Islam is to rip away from the materialism of this world and enjoy the spiritual reward we earned after days of worship. Don't you feel proud that you fasted all those days? That you read more Quran than usual? That instead of sleeping you awoke to ask God for something meaningful? I thought that that was what Eid was all about? Surprisingly this was the least of the problems for that day.

There were three women that I ran into that couldn't help but come back to the imminent topic of relationships. All three had given up ... on men. For once I was sort of glad that I met some that actually shared my view of the situation without carrying that supper bubbly silver lining of, "Oh I hate all men...but I know there's just one good one out there for me!" It's like we're on the same track, then her train ricochets off to another track from the speed of her thoughts. Cool, to each his/her own. But I hate when reality is denied. Although, to most humanity that knows me, to them my opinions are not reality, just targets to shoot down...hard.

I can honestly say that ALL men are great men...until they put that ring on your finger. (Or until Ramadan ends?). I don't get it. If a man out there can explain, please do. Though I doubt that there can be any sensible justification out there for the way these men are treating their wives. Throwing all of the work on her. Hurting her. Abusing her. Trashing her. Cheating on her. You hear that the husband badly wants children and you wonder why? Is being father these days just referring to being a sperm donor? Because after that baby is born what does the "dad" do? He can't even take his dish to the sink.

Verse #34 of chapter #4 in the Quran is the most widely mentioned and abused verse in this world. Men themselves have manipulated its message to yield its power to them. And this is something I think women need to start standing up for. The verse begins with an exclamation that men are the ones responsible for the women with what God has given them [i.e. take care of them and their needs], and that men must be financially responsible and spend on their wives the basic needs and necessities of life. It in no manner expresses a theme of male dominance but rather highlights the massive significance many are blind to these days, that a husband has been given a vast deal of greater responsibilities in this life and he needs to fulfill them. Not throw the load on his wife and exercise the macho attitude and threaten her with, "God put me in charge of you woman! So listen to me or else..." yet somehow that's what we're getting.

Sure I'm constantly bashing the males, but God, every time I begin to think a shed of light has started to illuminate the dark tunnel of manlessness I am proven wrong once again. It's come to the point where many wonder what is the purpose of marriage these days anymore? And how can you know this person is real or right? Yeah, he proposed. He says he loves you. He emails you his heart and more. Then what? When I say yes, and I get whatever symbolic ring that sits upon my finger, what happens? Do you start getting agitated that I'm working at a better position? Do you get annoyed that my degree is higher? Do you want me to stay at home and never go out? Am I to remain some unpolished trophy wife with scratches people can't see beneath all that dust? And five, ten, twenty years down the line, am I going to threaten other single girls and tell them to "Stay away from marriage" in a raspy regretful voice and repeatedly exclaim how much I wish I could have done my life in a differently? That is the saddest thing to hear from the married youngens, actually ALL the married ones really.

I've heard it. I've been warned. I've seen it firsthand. A beautiful smart woman was left in the dust because her husband got bored. A woman gained five more pounds thanks to the three children he wanted, and he got disgusted and found the secretary much more appealing [real story - no exaggeration]. Really babe? Did you not look in the mirror? You've grown too love but I didn't run off with Bryan the bag boy at Albertson's, who asks me how I'm doing more often than you! [ok that part's not a real story, but you get the gist]. These women tolerate, and the man runs off and plays his games. But here's the sicker part!!!

In turn, these women don't realize how the hell they are raising their kids! You find she babies the boys, and the girls are forced into at-home slavery. She tells her son when he's of marriage age he deserve the most beautiful woman who can cook almost as good as she, but tells her daughter to stop being naive and shallow and say yes to the doctor/lawyer/engineer. And if he turns out to be a @$$#0!& she better suck it up and be a "good wife" because that's her duty. Why not train your daughter to be strong and independent? To go ahead and get a really good education and a job and marry a man who appreciates that. And that if down the line he doesn't appreciate her, she always had and will have a life of her own to stand up on. To be proud of. To be a human being.

This is such elementary information for such an advanced for world yet here we are living it. There's no reason for us to be surprised why the world has such a terrible view of Islam and Muslims. And how can we expect any kind of peace around this world from others, when we cannot give each other any peace here? Amongst our spouses, our siblings, our friends, our community members? Irony that kills really.

At the end of the day, if we only all realized that to God we truly belong and that one day we will be physically six feet under, and our soul will return to Him, things could go a smidge smoother. What's so worthy about hurting others with our actions and our words and our behaviors? Why have we found it so hard to take the time to empathize with others, especially those close to us? To give them something back? To understand they have different eyes and different needs, and that if we truly love them (husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, community member) we don't have to hate and hurt them. We can mature and sober up to reality. There seriously ARE bigger fish to fry, yet we are too busy frying those damn useless tater tots that taste gross!!!

Let's get to the halibut baby and make a difference in this world, that God knows, truly needs a CHANGE!