Paramore ends up being my best friend on days like these. Wouldn't it be nice to wake up and find that a memo was sent to your inbox to let you know that today would be the day of the week that holds all the drama? Just like a warning notice? To know that you should get a double shot of espresso in your cappuccino? But it doesn't happen, and at the end of day, as Paramore remains on repeat, and you're stuck wearing your nerdy glasses instead of contacts because your eyes are so tired of being strained and crying, and you try and focus on your errands, you pray that you held that patience you promised God you'd have after Ramadan ended.
And when I looked at myself in the mirror, through those square red glasses, I realized for once just two tear drops fell for someone who wasn't worthy of them. And the anger that boils blood was reduced to a mere simmer until it disappeared. And slowly everything was back to normal. The tidal wave had hit and returned back to its oceanic source, leaving you wet and tumbled up, but back on solid ground.
What's wrong with humanity? Where did this horrid hatefulness stem from? It amazes me how we dare request and demand peace everywhere else in the world, when we cannot give it to each other within our own communities. We are just as abusive and evil - really we are. And if you haven't seen it, well I'm sorry to say that you've probably been in hiding because it's a cancer that is rapidly growing. Just think of Spiderman 3 and that black goo that attaches to him and instigates this evil hate; it's here! Landed on just the fingertips and managed to seep through...all the way through.
Now we can't look at others without judging them. We don't know how to live without lying. Cheating. Being plain old evil. Stupid. Immature. And the cycle is repeated. These same people already have kids...and they spend their days on Facebook attacking statuses of those who have an opinion that differs from theirs. Suddenly it became illegal to express your own opinions (or maybe it's just me? Maybe there's a label across my forehead that says, "Attack me because I'm lacking drama and my self-esteem is way too high. Please crush it!").
The Arabs in the Middle East wanted freedom to speak and democracy, but the Arabs here don't let each other speak their own opinions without being shut down. Irony? We've adopted this "with me or against me" mentality and it makes no sense. I believe in my opinions just as much as you believe in yours; so why can't you respect mine the way I respect yours? Why does my difference make me an enemy? What ever happened to diversity? And when did it evolve into racism? I'm already in preparation for the attack to this blog that many are conjuring up in those minds of theirs. The minds that act before thinking. Ha. What a concept. A mind is for thinking, before acting, yet we skip that first step. Thinking would reduce liars. Thinking would reduce abusers. Thinking would reduce a lot. It's amazing when most cultures and faiths do emphasize the importance of logical thinking and the usage of the mind.
What sparked yet another angry post? The better question would be what didn't? It's the betrayal and the two faces I found individuals carried. Finding out that three people I thought I knew pretty well, or at least respected as fellow community members, were playing quite intriguing games. One was a liar who lived a double life and I was asked to join without knowing. The second was a friend I recently entrusted (after 3 years of connection) with a personal situation, only to discover acting was the best skill they carried. But not as award worthy as person #3. Ah person #3. What a delight indeed it is to see them pretending to be something, and then being the complete opposite when no witnesses but myself exist.
Forget person #1, 2, & 3 ... but why? Why have we belittled the worth of life to such horrid things? And for what? So that really makes me wonder how we can bash so many other countries around the world for doing such hate, when here we are, in America, doing worse to each other. There is a verse in the Quran that describes "fitna" (or suffering/torture) as being much worse than death. I totally get it! Don't we say that all the time? "I wish I were dead rather than enduring this?" Yet we expose each other, from the same communities, ethnic/religious groups, and sometimes even families, to this unnecessary hate?
Each time I try to remind myself to never trust...NEVER. But how can you live life without trust? It's come to the point where I fear meeting new people. And as a safety precaution I have to place an invisible neon light to flash above their heads with warnings to keep me away. That may sound extreme or stereotypical, but is it really when a few weeks/months/years later, they prove me right? Because whether I like it or not I subconsciously start to slowly let my guard down and trust that friend, and right when I start to believe this time it's loyalty, I laugh at the outcome just to prevent anymore tears. But having a 3-in-1 discovery today was pretty hard.
It's a sad world and I just wanted to express that. Why you may ask? Probably because it's time that the proper dirty laundry was aired out to instigate a necessary change. But I'm finding that many don't want a change. They enjoy living their two faced lives, in the comfort they've always been used to. To each his/her own. At least I can accept that. Try accepting that one too! And try remembering that golden rule too ... treat people the way you want to be treated. Sadly after being scarred many times that rule has become skewed in my eyes and I can't help but feel that one day I just may treat these people the way they've done because obviously that is how THEY want to be treated. Is it not? But when I try it just doesn't come out of me =/ ...
Nice guys finish last indeed ... but at least when we finish (and we do) we have the stab marks and the foot prints you left on us to show the real obstacles we faced. *Sigh to the people*
