Recently it's been
slipping out. Unconsciously, consciously, subconsciously, whatever. I have been
saying it nonstop. And when I do, people's eyes, people's mouths, their
reactions are priceless. But I can't help it. I truly love the word feminist.
Yup, I said it again. Feminist, feminism and its likes are a huge part of my life. One time I had spoken up about being a feminist and a man was ready to depart...literally. He said, "You know you shouldn't say that word. It's bad. It will definitely scare men away because it means you are a man-hater who wants to do nothing and wants to force men to do everything." I laughed at this man's ignorance. Eleven years older than I and yet mentally far younger—which he continues to demonstrate in many other ways. I responded by first telling him to take out a dictionary. You know that book that existed back in his ages? And if that was too difficult he could whip out that smartphone and utilize its smarts to help him improve his a bit. Second I said that being a feminist does not imply any of what he said, although I am indeed almost a man-hater for other completely unrelated reasons. Men do a fine job of making women hate them all on their own. Really, don’t give feminism the credit for that. And just as a recap, in case a dictionary or smartphone can’t be found, being a feminist means I only desire that men and women be valued and treated equally, justly and fairly. You know some damn decency! He was not impressed and I really couldn’t care less. Men like him don't comprehend much and so I don't try very hard.
But what is the world's problem with feminism? Really? Why do most men (and women) just get angered or scared by the term? I mean besides the fact of their ignorance of its proper definition. What drives people to despise a sense of equality? Sure males and females have some differences biologically in the sense of the physical body, but when people try and tell me men and women cannot do the same things, I am reassured of the social (destructive) construction of gender. And when they say that biologically men don’t know how to nurture or naturally be romantic I only have one response:
EVERY MAN CAN, MOST CHOOSE NOT TO.
And then I follow it up with:
AND WOMEN JUST LET THAT SLIDE WITHOUT WORKING TOWARDS A PROPER CHANGE.
Hey I've seen it. I know just one man on this planet, just one, who is magnificent. Beautiful on the inside and out. Values men and women as merely human, with things to offer in this world. Constantly talks about the way he dreams of taking care of his wife. And manifests those words into actions with the way he treats all of humanity around him. I watch this man and think: Dear god! I am witnessing an absolute miracle! Why can't other men just try? Argh!!!
Then I look around and realize because most, if not all, have been raised to think otherwise. And women were raised to accept their subservient state. And they in turn raise their children with the same mindset, and the disgusting cycle repeats itself. That is with most, not all.
Sometimes extremely rebellious revolutionaries are born, such as yours truly. Where I utter the f-word or anything in its subcategories and face the never-ending lectures. Wagging fingers. Threats of eternal singlehood (which, by the way, don't scare me because in the words of Marina & The Diamonds: I prefer to be alone than live a life that's not my own). I think to myself sure I can see why men fear strong women; it is a threat to their power, although I don't strive to take it. I just want to be respected and valued, and sorry but thanking me for using the apron in your kitchen doesn't count. Or calling me the “good” housewife doesn't either. But what I don't get is when there are women hating on other women. Women who shudder at the sound of that f-word and paint us out to be bra-burning demons out to extinguish the male race. Building muscle to outweigh the competition and push through the door without a dash of femininity. Femininity not feminism.
I have not lost my womanhood if I want to get equal pay. I still wear my stilettos everyday. I am not being mannish by requesting that any potential suitors accept my intellectual, opinionated and outspoken nature. Why can't I express my concerns about social injustice and still keep that soft lipstick in touch? Why can't women still be mothers but have a vision and goal to work towards in life? After all, don’t the children need to see a mother on a mission? Why is it that women are expected to surrender to men in all aspects of life? No seriously. I am not overreacting. Take a look at it everywhere. Work. Family life. Houses of worship. Social groups. There is that subconscious male superiority that women are expected to submit to without refusal. And when one speaks out (ehem me ehem) she is dubbed extreme. A feminist to take heed of.
Funny side note. Often the men that I don't scare away with my radicalism are men keen on taking on the challenge, not to support me, but to change me. To try and mold me into the proper woman. But what is proper? Religiously? Socially? Culturally? Each of those has its own set of guidelines and the only one I abide by are religion's. The other two are what have caused this chaos. When a woman is forced into a culturally mandated arranged marriage and gets out of it years later, she recognizes her feminism. Her deserved right to stand up for herself and say no to her father or uncles. When women are being told what to do with their reproductive rights, and they suddenly awaken to the rage that stirs within them, they find their feminism. And let's look at this. When a man is resilient enough to come out of a broken abusive family environment, and create support groups and programs for victims of marital and drug abuse, he has found his feminism. He saw what his mother and sister went through and vowed to work towards that change.
Yup, I said it again. Feminist, feminism and its likes are a huge part of my life. One time I had spoken up about being a feminist and a man was ready to depart...literally. He said, "You know you shouldn't say that word. It's bad. It will definitely scare men away because it means you are a man-hater who wants to do nothing and wants to force men to do everything." I laughed at this man's ignorance. Eleven years older than I and yet mentally far younger—which he continues to demonstrate in many other ways. I responded by first telling him to take out a dictionary. You know that book that existed back in his ages? And if that was too difficult he could whip out that smartphone and utilize its smarts to help him improve his a bit. Second I said that being a feminist does not imply any of what he said, although I am indeed almost a man-hater for other completely unrelated reasons. Men do a fine job of making women hate them all on their own. Really, don’t give feminism the credit for that. And just as a recap, in case a dictionary or smartphone can’t be found, being a feminist means I only desire that men and women be valued and treated equally, justly and fairly. You know some damn decency! He was not impressed and I really couldn’t care less. Men like him don't comprehend much and so I don't try very hard.
But what is the world's problem with feminism? Really? Why do most men (and women) just get angered or scared by the term? I mean besides the fact of their ignorance of its proper definition. What drives people to despise a sense of equality? Sure males and females have some differences biologically in the sense of the physical body, but when people try and tell me men and women cannot do the same things, I am reassured of the social (destructive) construction of gender. And when they say that biologically men don’t know how to nurture or naturally be romantic I only have one response:
EVERY MAN CAN, MOST CHOOSE NOT TO.
And then I follow it up with:
AND WOMEN JUST LET THAT SLIDE WITHOUT WORKING TOWARDS A PROPER CHANGE.
Hey I've seen it. I know just one man on this planet, just one, who is magnificent. Beautiful on the inside and out. Values men and women as merely human, with things to offer in this world. Constantly talks about the way he dreams of taking care of his wife. And manifests those words into actions with the way he treats all of humanity around him. I watch this man and think: Dear god! I am witnessing an absolute miracle! Why can't other men just try? Argh!!!
Then I look around and realize because most, if not all, have been raised to think otherwise. And women were raised to accept their subservient state. And they in turn raise their children with the same mindset, and the disgusting cycle repeats itself. That is with most, not all.
Sometimes extremely rebellious revolutionaries are born, such as yours truly. Where I utter the f-word or anything in its subcategories and face the never-ending lectures. Wagging fingers. Threats of eternal singlehood (which, by the way, don't scare me because in the words of Marina & The Diamonds: I prefer to be alone than live a life that's not my own). I think to myself sure I can see why men fear strong women; it is a threat to their power, although I don't strive to take it. I just want to be respected and valued, and sorry but thanking me for using the apron in your kitchen doesn't count. Or calling me the “good” housewife doesn't either. But what I don't get is when there are women hating on other women. Women who shudder at the sound of that f-word and paint us out to be bra-burning demons out to extinguish the male race. Building muscle to outweigh the competition and push through the door without a dash of femininity. Femininity not feminism.
I have not lost my womanhood if I want to get equal pay. I still wear my stilettos everyday. I am not being mannish by requesting that any potential suitors accept my intellectual, opinionated and outspoken nature. Why can't I express my concerns about social injustice and still keep that soft lipstick in touch? Why can't women still be mothers but have a vision and goal to work towards in life? After all, don’t the children need to see a mother on a mission? Why is it that women are expected to surrender to men in all aspects of life? No seriously. I am not overreacting. Take a look at it everywhere. Work. Family life. Houses of worship. Social groups. There is that subconscious male superiority that women are expected to submit to without refusal. And when one speaks out (ehem me ehem) she is dubbed extreme. A feminist to take heed of.
Funny side note. Often the men that I don't scare away with my radicalism are men keen on taking on the challenge, not to support me, but to change me. To try and mold me into the proper woman. But what is proper? Religiously? Socially? Culturally? Each of those has its own set of guidelines and the only one I abide by are religion's. The other two are what have caused this chaos. When a woman is forced into a culturally mandated arranged marriage and gets out of it years later, she recognizes her feminism. Her deserved right to stand up for herself and say no to her father or uncles. When women are being told what to do with their reproductive rights, and they suddenly awaken to the rage that stirs within them, they find their feminism. And let's look at this. When a man is resilient enough to come out of a broken abusive family environment, and create support groups and programs for victims of marital and drug abuse, he has found his feminism. He saw what his mother and sister went through and vowed to work towards that change.
People think that
feminism has ruined the world. Created an uproar that has made men even more
dysfunctional than they were before. In the eyes of people like that, it would seem
true. But you know that saying, “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it?” Well, it was
broken. When women realized they were socially, emotionally and physically
being broken, they decided to stand up for themselves. Many didn’t like it and
many still don’t, but that’s not my problem. I will maintain my stance as a
proud feminist, because all I am doing with this passion is demanding I receive
the same dignity and respect that men are just simply handed.
I dream of a time
when women won’t be seen as second class and will be valued for their
personality, hearts and minds. When husbands appreciate their wives as partners
in their lives, not because she can be the homemaker and cater to his every need,
but because she is the one he can talk to and listen to…without needing a
Klondike Bar every time she asks him to lend an ear. When men don’t feel
undermined or emasculated because a woman thought of a brilliant idea, made a
record breaking discovery, solved something that appeared impossible or does
not take her husband’s last name. Yes, that last one, I recently heard from a
man and thought, “Dear God where do I begin? Really? Emasculated because she
didn’t change her name to yours? Just reread that last part: HER name to YOURS.
Dude, she was born with that name and grew up to be herself with it. You guys
got married, great, but why is it a mandatory expectation that she abandons her
past name for yours now? If you must, you can ask that she could get hyphenated
(although still a lame request, it should be up to her from the start and not
something you request of her) and if not, let it go and be a…MAN!” Jeez!
Last night, that young
man I mentioned earlier, the only one of his kind, was walking with me to get
coffee. As we reached a narrow area, he stepped aside and held out his hand to
gesture that I may go before him. It was utterly adorable and I thanked him.
Then he said, “Had there been mud, I would have needed to take off my jacket
and throw it across the ground.” I knew he was joking with reference to a film
he saw recently, but somehow, in his tone, I also knew he was serious, that he
really would have done something to make sure I didn’t step in the mud. And
before I could begin the follow up conversation, he took the words straight out
of my mouth.
“You know if you were
born in the past, you may have been happier, because back then men respected
women. Treated them so nicely. Today, they are just stupid.” He was right. What
happened to cause the devolution of men and their absolute gentlemanly moral? I
cannot believe that my desire to be valued for more than kitchen duties and
baby making caused this devolution. It wasn’t feminism, and it never will be.
This is caused by the ever-growing trend in dwindling respect, morals and etiquette;
and people use feminism as the scapegoat. Wrong.
If I want a husband who
is proud of me, supportive of my activism and opinions and work, who loves me
for who I am as a person, that doesn’t mean I am demanding my husband never
hold the door for me, never pay for me, never give me a kind word or
compliment, never hold my jacket for me or help me carry the groceries or any
other thing that couples need to do for each other to demonstrate their love
and respect for one another. Again why is it always either or? For a woman to
be a feminist it means that she just wants to be a man? Heck no! I love being a
woman. And with my feminism all I’m asking is to be treated as a human with
decency and value.
It is time that we
regained that human decency, with women and men. Valued people as just that,
people. So sometimes a man can hold the door open for another man without there
being subliminal context. A man can pay for a woman on a date and still
sincerely value her thoughts on weighty subjects in life. And a person, be it
male or female, can be a feminist and actually be known as someone who is not causing
trouble but trying to fix it. Trying to better the treatment of and for women in life.
 |
| Did you just say the F-word? |
So
may we all finally be F-ed…feminized that is!
