Speech in Seal Beach - Part 1: The Speech

I’ve been attending interfaith events since a little after the time my family moved to Orange County, which only strengthened the roots of my growth. So when I was asked to now be a speaker rather than an audience member, I was honored. Usually it’s my mother behind the podium, but I have unconsciously followed in her footsteps; however, I wear different shoes.

Every event I’ve been to has been wonderful, always circulating around the messages of peace that our faiths offer. The thing is, I think we all know and understand these elements of our faith. We all know that God is love and that religions only call for peace. The underlying issue is sustaining the implementation of that peace. Affirming that peace. So why isn’t that happening?

In my opinion, I think the problem is foundational. Many people today lack something very dire and that is true internal happiness which directly relates to internal and external peace. There’s this notion that religion is burdensome and something to practice later in life or when a calamity strikes. In Chapter 20 of the Quran, Verse 2, God states that He did not “reveal this Quran upon you so that you may be burdened.” These Holy Words we share from our holy books are not words of restrictive burdens, but rather a call for internal freedom and peace, yet somehow they are misunderstood. Our job, as those who remember this call, is to remind others. God says in Chapter 87 of the Quran, Verse 9, “So do remind, for surely reminding does benefit.” However, there’s another issue that arises here, and that is that sometimes this inner turmoil one faces can often be overlooked. Something repeated in the Quran that I truly love and actually implement in my life as a writer is, “…give them an example…” so let me share with you an allegory to clarify what I am referring to with regards to overlooking the loss of peace.

Seven months ago I got married. Seven days later I separated from my husband on the honeymoon and filed for divorce two months after. Even as a writer, I am still at a loss for words about what that entire experience can do to a soul’s faith and peace. When people talk about affirming peace and ending violence, everyone’s minds immediately shift to the distance: Africa, the Middle East, politics, war, shootings, etc. We often overlook what is right in front of us that is key to establishing the proper foundation of peace. My mother always taught me that we are like pebbles thrown into a river. Our initial duty is that first ring before it ripples into larger rings in the water. Once we stabilize the first one closest to us, we can move on to the next, then the next, then the next. After all, Chapter 8, Verse 53 says, “…God does not change a status He has placed a people in until they change what is within themselves,” therefore to affirm my faith and peace, I must start with myself, and after what I went through, and am still going through, it’s been such a challenge.

However, God has sent me little nudges here and there. A week after my separation, I started a new job. It was definitely difficult timing, but one of the most amazing things that has kept my faith and sanity in life is the concept of divine destiny. It is one of the pillars of faith in Islam that reaffirms my stability. That ability to surrender to the Will of God and know that what He has planned is what will happen when it’s supposed to happen because He said so. This is one of the biggest reaffirmations of faith and peace. It gives an individual that peace of mind and peace of soul. You live and trust in God.

Two weeks after starting this job, I was sent to a conference unexpectedly that focused on “Compassionate Healthcare.” I was hired as the Manager of Patient Experience to oversee the quality of patient satisfaction in the care of over 30 hospitals, but back then I was beyond disoriented. Newlywed, newly separated, newly employed, new to healthcare, and just transitioned over from law enforcement and event management. I needed to catch my breath and so I found myself gravitating towards every session being hosted on personal betterment and leadership development. It was there that I found God, because to be honest, in those almost two years, I lost Him, therefore losing faith and completely losing peace. And when one is under those circumstances, he/she is no longer a productive individual nor a peaceful beneficial resource to the world. That is why we see what we see today with the increased violence and abuse. These people lack the upbringing and environment to thoroughly develop inner peace and faith.

I met a speaker the left me in awe till this very moment and though he will never know, I am utterly grateful to him for injecting me with the awakening I needed to return back to who I was. He is psychologist who graduated from Harvard and currently works with the school to do research on human happiness. What struck me about his words is the fact that they so clearly mirrored what Islam had called upon me far before. He said that studies show there are two key elements to human happiness: (1) an attitude of gratitude and (2) living for a purpose greater than one’s self.

If those two don’t scream faith and peace I don’t know what will. In Chapter 34, Verse 13, God says, “…do thanks, oh family of David; and very few of my servants are thankful.” Thanks to my in house tutor (mom), I’ve heard that verse repeated often and there are two things to take away from it. First, God reminds us that humans often forget to be grateful and thankful. Second, God is requesting us to “do” thankfulness, but how do you do that? We’re living in a world where the concept of thankfulness is simply a smile and saying the words, “Thank you.” However, we can see that God is illustrating to us a more in depth representation of true gratefulness and thankfulness. These two are not mere words we offer, they are actions we implement. In Islam, being grateful/thankful means using what one is blessed with in the right way to serve others for the sake of God. If I’m given health, I take care of myself to care for others. If I’m given money, I spend it wisely, save it wisely and give to others in need. If I’m given time or freedom, I appreciate those and am resourceful with each and every one.

Now, the speaker’s second point, living for a purpose greater than one’s self, I fell in love with heavily. In my opinion, this is what gives birth to true happiness and it may even be stronger than element number one because this is what gives you the opportunity to discover what you are to be grateful for and how to utilize those blessings. For me, healing started the first time I gave a donation after returning to the path of singlehood. I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long long time. I felt valuable, important and honored to have been given such kindness by a stranger that I was able to help.

To affirm faith and peace, we need to live for God through serving others. It instills the right kind of selfishness—as strange as that is to say—that builds love, kindness and then ripple effects into peace. Charity is one of the pillars of Islam and it doesn’t only mean financial. Charity in Islam can be as simple yet as powerful as a smile.

When I was a child I dreamed of marriage—not weddings, marriage—and one of the biggest dreams I had was starting a humanitarian project with my husband, whoever he would be. That dream did not come true (yet), but in the meantime, I want to live that dream, even if on my own, because I am living for God. I am living for a purpose far beyond myself and that brings me peace, therefore giving me the energy and drive to promote faith and peace with those around me.

Just a week after my divorce became public, a very dear Christian Syrian friend of mine sent me a phenomenally powerful message. She said that sometimes what steers us farthest from the path of God—the path we are destined to walk—needs to be filtered out of our lives. She was right. I had never deviated farther away from the path of peace and faith than I had in these two years. I had become someone less productive, less pleasant and less peaceful, which hindered my ability to promote faith and peace in the world. It hindered my ability to live in the way God has destined for me and I hated it.

So finding myself back on track was a relief. I was once again beginning to not only see, but feel, the light of faith and peace, and that was inspiring because I knew that it meant I would be able to do thankfulness and gratitude again. It meant I would be able to live for a greater purpose and serve God as truer Muslim.

So how does Islam affirm peace? Islam affirms peace like any other faith, calling its followers to be happy individuals who live gratitude and live with the purpose to serve humanity. And how do I affirm peace? I continuously work harder on myself, even if I am human and fall. I pick myself back up and remember what God wants of me. He reminds me everyday when I wake up and realize it’s another day to live. He reminds me everyday when I find myself free from the troubles of days before. He reminds me everyday when I look in the mirror and wrap my scarf around my head. Because being a Muslim literally and linguistically means being an individual who submits to God’s demand of peace. I will continue to wear this emblem of affirmation on my head and in my heart; and this is the kind of affirmation we need to reintroduce into our humanity today.

Who is the Better Writer?

Are women better writers than men? Fifty-nine percent of over 3,000 men and women polled believe so. When I received an info-graphic that illustrated data upon data of how women are believed to be the better writers, I wasn’t as surprised as I was intrigued. The question in my mind wasn’t “Who is the better writer?” but rather, “Why?” Why are women naturally assumed to be and/or proving to be the better writers? When I asked the same question on Facebook, every sentiment mirrored the info-graphic wholly and those Lady Narrator wheels began turning.

I think I know why women are (usually) better writers than men. Not all of us are born that way (*wink wink*), more often than not, men and women are raised that way. I’m not a big believer in this concept that biology just magically sorts men into the sciences and women into the arts like The Sorting Hat of Hogwarts. I work in healthcare as a quality manager and have come across plenty of female physicians, hospital CEOs, directors and much more. My social network (on and offline) consists of female physicists, engineers and rocket scientists. Those networks also consists of male poets, songwriters, and bloggers.

This whole concept of “who is better” starts from birth, maybe even before. From the moment of conception, everyone begins plotting out this baby’s life and the debate begins with pink or blue. Are those the only two colors that exist? Men can and do look smashing in pink shirts—I’ve seen it—so why are they forced into the blues? No wonder they aren’t as inspired to be artsy. Just kidding…well almost.

Following this, the upbringing continues the filtration. Women are typically the better writers because they are trained from a young age to be alert, methodical and careful, so much so that they naturally doubt themselves. They have to check and double check every move they make till it drives them crazy. Females are often reared to take the passenger seat (or sometimes backseat) in life and what do those seats yield? Let me give you an allegory. While driving down a route with my mom, she let out a soft gasp. “Wow! I never recognized that. Has that always been there?” I quickly glanced to the right before looking back to the road ahead and said, “Yeah, for a few years now.” She was quiet momentarily before saying, “You know, there’s a lot that you notice when you’re not driving.” That was ages ago and yet it remained with me till today because it reinforced an unspoken necessity of life: balance. An individual must be exposed to both sides of all things when possible—the driver as well as the passenger role. But metaphorically speaking, women find themselves marginalized into the passenger role and are therefore far from inept at recognizing the little things that drivers overlook in life. These little details are what develop the female capability of defining life, creating stories, expanding the imagination and much more that leads to enhanced writing and creativity skills.

Now I’m not trying to generalize, because like I mentioned earlier, I have met men and women that do not fall into those stereotypical roles. It may be that their upbringing was unique and eclectic or it may also be the second key belief I carry about what makes the better writer: personality.

I may have possibly been born with a pen in my hand. The first story I ever wrote was in fourth grade and I still have a copy of that “skip-a-line” writing paper staple bound inside laminated purple construction paper that I drew a rainbow garden upon. That was my first story and first book cover. On my bookshelf now sits my hardcover blood red poetry book, published at the age of 19, and I smile.

Two more novels are in the making and over 91 new poems have been born. I am a writer. It’s in my blood and I truly believe that is a key trait to make someone something. Sometimes legends are just born with their particular characteristic (be it writing or anything else) and they can never be denied. So if you ask me, what makes the best writer, I would say it’s the one who capitalizes on that talent or develops it and commits to it eternally.

The better writer is the one who dedicates his/her time to writing wholly. The one who doesn’t just write something once and consider it done, but comes back to it days later, weeks later, to catch what may have been overlooked previously because he/she knows it’s not perfect yet, and that perfect, here, is indeed achievable.

The better writer is the one who succumbs to that burning idea at 1:47 a.m. and rolls out of the warm comfort of his/her bed and illuminates the beautifully dark room with bright lights to jot down bullet points to save the idea or actually write out the entire chapter/article/piece, despite needing to be at work in six hours.

The better writer is the one who never finds the ability to stop writing no matter how many negative comments, ugly reviews and threatening hate mail they receive. He/she knows it comes with the territory and those are bullets worth dodging or experiencing on this journey of doing what is loved.

This individual manages to instantly and eloquently bring together words like a perfect harmonious symphony and is therefore dubbed the better writer; but this amount of loyalty to a passion is what makes someone the better and the best at whatever he/she pursues.