Sunday, December 20, 2015

Headstrong Beauty






“Your scarf is absolutely beautiful with its design and ruffles like that. Oh wait, I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to say that…if it’s even supposed to be beautiful, but it really is!”


There’s this notion that a Muslim woman’s head scarf cannot be beautiful, that its actual purpose is to de-beautify her. In some cultures, that is indeed how it is advertised: Women, the sin-stirring beings, must be covered. The thing is, nowhere in the Quran, in the words of God, does it specify that as the purpose of a woman’s head cover. As a matter of fact, its purpose is clearly stated in verses 30-31 of Chapter 24, which call upon men and women to exercise modesty: Purification.

The woman was authentic in her apology on speaking to me about my scarf when I stopped her. Smiling I said, “Please, don’t worry. There is no reason it shouldn’t be beautiful. Actually this is one of my friend’s designs. She’s quite a talented woman and I can’t help myself when I see her collections.” A wave of relief came across her face as she approached closer. “Well you’re friend is most definitely going to be rich with art like that.” We parted ways on a happy note.

Seven days later, the Paris attacks happened, quickly followed by the San Bernardino shooting no more than 30 minutes from where I work.

I was in eighth grade when 9/11 happened—not even a teenager yet. My parents, fearing for our safety, kept us home from school. My best friend and classmate, Andrea—who remains an integral part of my life and one awesome feminist—called me early that morning. “I can’t believe they’re already out there blaming Muslims. I’m sorry.” Fifteen years later and I am still unbelievably grateful for that moment. Her parents clearly succeeded at raising one heck of a woman and a friend. I look back and value the depth and maturity of that act of kindness.

I was blessed for sure to face very minimal harassment post 9/11. At most I had one kid at school say, “your people did this” and then apologize at the end of class on his own, and then I had some random stranger in Downtown Long Beach beg and plead that I accept his invitation to learn “the true meaning of respect and liberation” in the back of his car. Other than that, I never once felt a burdensome weight of my head cover or belief. And the reason I once again put together another blog about this subject, after another horrendous attack, is because it kills me to hear about women who lose strength and faith to continue wearing it. Women who succumbed to the fear and instantly removed it. Women who are oblivious to its real purpose and benefits. Because once again I’m being warned to carry hats or beanies or hoodies to “blend in” and be safe, because being American is no longer safe.

That three-minute conversation with Andrea played in my head every day for the next four days after the Paris attacks. I was feeling something I had never experienced before—genuine fear—wondering if anything was going to be normal again. Was I going to face what I had heard other Muslims faced? Were people actually staring more than usual and with angrier expressions? I walked into a boba shop on that fourth day and found an older woman at the register, trying to decide on a drink. A look of anxiousness overcame her and I tensed up. I smiled weakly because I felt helpless and exhausted to have to walk on eggshells thanks to lunatics that, once again, have nothing to do with me.

I kept a slight distance to avoid making her uncomfortable, and regardless of whether or not this was warranted, in times like these I would rather be the wiser one. After all, to many people, who are not very knowledgeable in Islam or of Muslims, this anxiety is warranted.

She kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye and turning back to the register, like she had something on her mind. When my turn came, she took the opportunity. “Um…your scarf…it’s very pretty.” I cannot express the weight that instantly dissolved in that moment and I smiled wider than I ever had. “Thank you!” I exclaimed with joy. Her smile brightened up and she stepped aside to let me order my drink.

I texted my fairy scarf maker and thanked her from the bottom of my heart. Because of her skills, because of her passion, because of her ability to merge modesty with fashion and beauty, I have found that people are enticed to approach me and make a comment—always a positive one, always an encouraging one. This cover on my head is most definitely supposed to be beautiful and Muslim women need to be reminded of that. If anything, it is my proud Muslim ID that I am privileged to have and privileged to choose. Take that, Trump!

Being beautiful isn’t a sin, it’s a blessing that we should embrace with our souls. Wearing the headscarf is our form of unconscious communication with the world. Yes, it stirs stares and curiosities, but when we’re able to fuse the modesty of our religion with the beauty in existence, we’re able to transcend many blurred lines.

Racism, discrimination and prejudices are definitely painful realities however, in the days following these attacks, I actually faced a strong wave of love and support that I wish Muslims exerted the same amount of energy marketing as they did the negative acts, because they do exist! Coworkers approached me with open arms and tear filled eyes, reminding me that they are there for me and that no one will hurt me. Everyday I face more smiles attached to the stares from strangers; I get stopped again and again to receive compliments for my scarves; strangers in line beside me open up any random conversation of nothingness just to ensure that I am reassured of their embracing me—us.

The bullet points on these evil hidden agendas of the attacks are to ensure that we as Muslims (1) succumb to fear well enough to shrivel back from our lifestyles and worship and (2) spew divisions among each other. Within the last few months, I have been receiving texts, emails and side bar conversations at parties from women and girls stressing about their peers and the confidence to maintain the aspect of head covering. “My friend just took hers off and it’s heartbreaking because she was the same girl who used to boast her love for it.” It dawned on me that the agendas were being fulfilled and something needed to be done. A platform of support, strength and love needs to be built and if no one else is going to do it, then so be it, I will. Many women grow up in the culture of religion, and end up following in footsteps blindly, assuming it’s just what needs to be done, when in reality every order of Islam in the Quran comes attached with the call to use your mind. To think. To contemplate. As Muslims, we are obligated to comprehend what it is that we choose to do, and that is the foundation of the platform I am building. A bond of sisters in head covers to learn/re-learn the meaning, value and purpose of this aspect of our faith. A sisterhood to renew our devotion to this act of purity that does not strip us of our beauty but accentuates the fact that we do truly shine with inner and outer beauty. I am genuinely excited to launch this six-month program and look forward to the strength, courage and confidence we develop among our first wave of attendees. We have to unite in times like these, soak up the love and support we are being given from our wonderful diverse neighbors and peers who are working hard to show us that we are welcome, and keep on going.

Nothing could be more beautiful than having the confidence to embrace your true self and I hope to instill that in the many Muslim women that have forgotten it.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Cut the Puppet Strings


"Our generation is becoming so busy trying to prove that women can do what men can do that women are losing their uniqueness. Women weren't created to do everything a man can do. They were created to do everything a man can't."

That's the "sugarcoated" garbage that has been circulating across social media lately, with such a flare it's almost like it was believed women would be flattered by it. Some posters are getting creative and attaching horrifically ignorant and sexist degrading hashtags to bash women and feminists as incompetent mothers and destructive beings. I'm not one to remain silent, especially when other women are out there gallavanting this nonsense like a flag of pride. Does it build up their ego when they get likes and support from men for attacking their own sex? Do they genuinely believe themselves to be so extremely different that there's a genuine disconnect from men? Like we are really two damn different species? If you're of the "species" that believes that, God help you. If you're female on top of that, God help us all because the only one who has really screwed it up for us women are those women who bash, belittle and drag down the women.

Let me go ahead and break down what is genuinely wrong with this unfortunately over-glorified 21st century quote.

First of all, it breaks the cardinal rule every human being threatens me to remember, "Never generalize." So, really, is "our generation" entirely fixated on this fictitious agenda? I can round up a group within seconds that are busy trying to do so much more for women AND MEN than subconsciously morph females into males without the matching genitalia.

Second, why on earth do sexists have to be so dramatic that suddenly everything is an attack against men? If women are strong, pursuing higher education, ambitious, goal oriented, straightforward, opinionated, physically fit and employed, how does that suddenly make them so busy trying to prove they can do what men can do? And what makes men the only ones entitled to these necessities of life? Are we cramping your style with our existence? Oh, let me apolog...not!

Third, tell me how being human and following what makes one happy, successful and accomplished an avenue to losing one's uniqueness? Well, I guess it's not...if you have the right body parts.

Lastly, define for me, what are women supposed to be doing instead of being themselves? What are these "things men can't do?" Cook? Clean? Upkeep a house? Carry a baby for nine months and then spend the next 20 or so years raising it while spending eternity worrying and caring about it so beautifully? Be nurturing? Take a step back from egocentric thinking and look into someone else's soul? Of that laundry list, the only thing that men can't actually do is carry a baby in a womb and deliver it. Everything else a man can do, and it is unfortunate that many (not generalizing, so calm your horses) choose not to do.

So, the moral of the story is drop that pathetic lie. Women feminists of this century, and those rare but wonderful feminist men who stand with us, are not fighting for identity swaps. We are standing up for our rights to actually have a place in this life. In work. In the mosques, churches, synagogues, temples and any other house of worship. In school. In social groups and networks. In the conversation and at the table. If that threatens people enough to manipulate this legitimate necessity into some vendetta against men's place and women needing to just fill in the blanks that men cannot, you need some serious guidance. Find God this holiday season and stop trying to once again dictate how women are to behave and act. Recognize that this quote literally calls upon women to change. Nowhere in that quote does it clarify what men can do to ensure a woman's uniqueness has the chance to be seen in life as equally as "his" does. The quote does not even remotely depict the struggle women endure daily to not just have their uniqueness shine, but their presence, power and talents acknowledged and appreciated.

I cannot believe that even as our world falls apart in war, exile, corruption, famine, human trafficking, domestic violence, racism, there's still time to ensure that women are reminded of their supposed statuses based on a SOCIALLY constructed system.