Last year a colleague and I were having coffee and discussing a community arts showcase on feminism he wanted me to lead. I immediately began brainstorming names of incredible women artists aloud when he sternly cut me off. “Yeah, you’ve done plenty of women events. Time for us men to have one!” I was confused. “You want me to curate a feminism event of ALL men?” He sat back in his seat, cocky and smiling. “Yeah, let the men have the stage to express their appreciation of women.” By his intonation I knew what he meant. “You mean an entire panel of tasteless erotic poetry that sexualizes women?” He laughed, the same condescending laugh he let out after I confronted him about his predatory behavior I later experienced, and said, “If that’s their expression of feminism, so be it.”
I met him halfway and coordinated a panel of male speakers I required could only share work on toxic masculinity and their responsibility as men to uphold feminism amongst their bros. But by the time the event date rolled around, my colleague’s predatory nature (i.e., grooming, abusing, manipulating, the whole nine yards) surfaced and he made the smart move not to show up.
It was severely disturbing and infuriating to not only experience this but also to continue witnessing the immense perpetuation of this behavior, even in places built to be “safe” like art and social justice. I was so shaken up that I dedicated my last pre-pandemic poetry feature entirely to addressing this subject. The most painful part? The number of women who approached me after the set to whisper gratitude that someone FINALLY acknowledged the misogyny in our over glorified art world. Some shared their firsthand encounters of assault, others about the men they wish they could report. My heart sank, but not at all in surprise. The patriarchal agenda is so deeply sewn into the human system that men have found a way to continue these crimes in a hassle free way: getting women to do it. See, after I confronted my colleague, he removed me from my position and began working more closely with another woman that subjects other up and coming women artists to abuse and harassment, stating he was not pleased with my behavior (no longer quiet and welcoming to his physical and verbal advances) and so begins this article.
When the stay at home orders kicked in last year, my skin freaked the hell out! I’d love to blame the sudden facial revolution solely on the pandemic, but I knew it stemmed from experiencing back to back trauma, from my father’s death to sexual harassment and abuse to my grandmother’s death to the pandemic. Despite trying various remedies like supplements, sleep modifications, diet changes, etc., I caved and decided I’d have to support it with a reformed skin regimen too. Four years ago I stumbled into the universe of clean beauty—skincare and cosmetic products that follow strict European standards of non-toxicity when it comes to their ingredients—and it was the best stumble.
Many of these clean beauty brands are actually women founded and I was ecstatic because shopping a women dominated field should be incredible, right? Finally browsing products made by us and for us, but I noticed a theme: the sexualization of women is still the only marketing ploy, even in the hands of women. The objectification of women cunningly slipped straight through the fingers of men (in power) and landed smack dab in the palms of women, sugarcoated as supposed empowerment and feminism so well, that today’s generation is swallowing it whole.
I decided to write this now because MARA Beauty, one of the brands I’ve heavily invested in since the pandemic that incredibly revolutionized my skin, released their latest product, an oil based sunscreen. The first teaser excited me: a video of a wave kissing a sunny shore with the announcement that something SPF based was coming. But before I knew it, post after post became an illustration of women and their mostly naked bodies holding the coveted sunscreen in overtly sexual positions or not even holding the sunscreen at all. I started to question whether or not I wanted to support a brand that so ridiculously exploited women’s bodies for products (and facial products at that) and restarted my search for a new skincare line. But brand after brand, I discovered similar ads for an eye cream or a makeup remover or a retinol gel, all juxtaposed with a breast and an erect nipple or a woman’s entirely exposed behind and the product just ever so slightly concealing what Instagram would deem guideline violation. Or simply a post of a naked woman in the distance just to wish everybody a “Happy Weekend!” From MARA Beauty to True Botanicals to Odacité to all the other brand ads Instagram and Facebook stuff in between posts, they are all built on the foundation of a woman’s body, as if there’s no other way to sell a product.
Back in the day, when men dominated most fields, including marketing, we understood (better yet, tolerated) this male gaze basis of advertising. It was practically normalized to see women as objects, slapped on as accessories to sell anything from burgers to beers to cars. We anticipated that with the so-called breakage of the glass ceiling and the rise of diversity and inclusion, the male gaze would soon diminish, but it’s become evident that the male gatekeepers successfully passed on the baton to ensure their agenda continues.
In January 2021 UNICEF released an article titled, “Not An Object: On Sexualization and Exploitation of Women and Girls.” The authors powerfully delve into this subject, providing data from the American Psychological Association and the Dove Self Esteem Project on how severely prevalent and subliminal this hyper sexualization of women is and its global impact on girls and women emotionally, psychologically, and socially. The consequences of these depictions include appearance anxiety, body shame, eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and depression, all of which are phenomena that today’s social media driven era thinks it’s abolished with the perpetuation of the same behavior through the incorporation of ethnically diverse women and body shapes/sizes. Truth of the matter is this has only escalated the psycho-social impacts on girls’ and women’s body image issues.
On top of that, it’s affected the male populations as well, further reinforcing unrealistic ideals of male perception and behavior towards women. In recent conversations with two different men, I learned that only now were men awakening into the realization of how to humanize a woman outside the context of a sexual object. Thanks to porn and basically the soft porn that is social media, boys are still growing up with this deeply ingrained view of women as tools—for their pleasure, for the sales of products, for the aesthetics of something. We see the latent effects of this in our day to day to experiences at work, in social spaces, in family circles, in the entertainment industry, in politics, you name it. But somehow it’s become acceptable today because it’s now being produced by women?
That’s the part that irks me most. Too many women and women dominated industries are still operating under the restraints of the patriarchal agendas, convinced it’s a feminine one and therefore a feminist one. I see these posts and ads and think of the men like my aforementioned abusive colleague who justified his behavior by stating he purposely pursues attractive counterparts. I think of my exes and their abuses. I think of the rest of the males in our societies that we’ve worked with or engaged with on some level, and I watch them sit back, relax, and reap the benefits of the patriarchy, but now without having to lift a finger. Women are doing the work for them. So much so that daring to speak up or go against this patriarchal agenda costs you. We’re seeing this in Europe with the court ruling on women wearing hijab. We saw women’s sports teams get reprimanded for choosing to wear slightly less revealing clothes. I remember not being allowed to try out for both basketball and volleyball in grade school because they said I couldn’t participate with pants and a long sleeve shirt. But hey, if I want to wear bikini bottoms, I’m most welcome. I drove down Fairfax last week and there were six billboards with practically naked women lying in extremely sexual positions. The men on every ad were fully clothed and the one shirtless man on a billboard was a dancer advertising an upcoming show in a modest and casual pose.
When you think about it, it’s quite sadistic. In our desperate (and necessary) fight for equality, somewhere some women sold out to get ahead. If it meant exploiting our bodies for social and financial capital to make it ahead, so be it. But is it worth it? I guess when you’re making money, attracting cult following, and sustaining the approval of both the male gaze AND the white gaze, you’re “winning”. But down here in the unfiltered reality of ongoing beauty ideals, surrounded by the growing fragility of women’s self-esteem and the surge in dangerous cosmetic procedures, I see more cons than pros. There are plenty of studies and documentaries now proving the data on how toxic these media platforms are for what and how they present, and the objectification of women is a significant part of that.
I’m not a fan of cancel culture, but I struggle justifying giving my money to brands who continue to promote and normalize this agenda, especially when many of these brands actually have remarkable quality products that could sell themselves on reviews and word of mouth alone, as well as the ability to explore best practices from other successful brands that don’t exploit women’s bodies for profit. We did not and are not fighting for equality just to reach the top and continue what already exists, what’s oppressed us for centuries and only benefited the select few exclusives. It’s our utmost responsibility as women with the revolutionary platforms and privileges to use them in ways that empower beyond the physical, beyond the patriarchal agenda, and carve a new path for us and our future generations. We deserve better!
