In a lecture I gave at a sociology class a few years back, I decided to make a bold statement to a classroom full of freshman students living in the era of social media established self-care rituals and beliefs. In a world that has so successfully taught an entire generation to believe that selfishness and individualistic ideals (masked behind mainstream glamorized posts) are the ways to thrive and make the world a better place, it’s going to be a battle to try and change the narrative. “Sometimes the truest acts of self-care are actually doing those things that really inconvenience the self, are actually getting your to-do lists and tasks at hand done. This over-fixation on the idea of never making yourself uncomfortable in the name of self-care is what is causing the demise of our societies.” A lot of faces stared back at me in disapproval, but I initiated a conversation long overdue in this modern era. Social media based self-care trends have enabled stunted emotional intelligence, empathy, and change by placing personal desires at the focal point of survival instead of personal well-being. To initiate real life change requires a lot of inconveniences, a lot of shifted comfort zones, and a lot of preparedness.
❥ ❥ ❥
Is it ironic to be writing the introductory article of my Ramadan mini series on readiness to the tune of Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball”? Probably not, considering Ramadan has always been a time of picking up the pieces of ourselves demolished by life and gluing them back together. But that process is never an easy one and every year, a part of me genuinely dreads the Ramadanic obligation of facing myself and the year I just finished. For a while, I thought I was the only one who experienced this anticipatory anxiety, until I came across a life changing podcast (which I have mentioned once before here on this blog), The Amreekies Podcast.
Five days of binging every episode and I received so many gifts from the podcast that I am grateful to hold on to as I enter another blessed Ramadan, including the fact that sometimes what God asks us to do will be heavy but manageable no less. To clarify, this isn’t a dislike of the month—come on, y’all know me and passion for faith!—but it’s a vulnerable acknowledgement of the work ahead, and after a year, it builds. It’s like the child who makes a fuss about not wanting to go to camp only to realize how revolutionary and amazing the experience was after all.
I was always that child and Ramadan was always my camp, and every year, I’d cry more leaving the month than coming into it. This year, however, I found myself counting down the days leading up to Ramadan, praying to God that He keeps me alive to witness it. My soul was hungry for it (no pun intended), excitedly anticipating that one month of dedication to soul care and active resolutions, which really are the ultimate forms of self-care: a preparedness to being my best self for society.
Ramadan has a different flavor when you’re eagerly looking forward to it. There’s a powerful wave of relief that hits you when it begins at sunset because you’re spiritually surrendering to no other power than God’s healing. No one can deny how difficult 2020-2021 has been—from physical to emotional to mental to spiritual, we’ve all suffered so much, some of us maybe too much, so this month becomes the threshold to cross into relief.
Now here we are, lavishing in the first day, drawn to the magnetic pull of belief in a coming change. It’s not going to be easy, it never is, but it’ll be worthy, and I love that every Muslim I know understands exactly what I’m talking about. Understands there will be nights of heavy crying, nights of repentance, nights of vivid recollections and self analysis, and that those are all necessary components to savoring as much of this month as possible.
I don’t know why that child throws a fuss about camp, just like I don’t really know why my anxiety kicks in the days before Ramadan, maybe it’s fear of the unknown or fear of what I know I will have to inconveniently let go of, but what a different experience it was to view the horizon of this month through a different lens. That’s when I knew that this year, my Ramadan Reflections Series will be dedicated entirely to the concept of readiness. Each week, I’ll be sharing an article on readiness within a different subject, in the hopes of inspiring readers to live with even more purpose. Sometimes our relationship with “being ready” is so misunderstood, so almost stereotypical, that we’re not aware of how and when we are ready and what that actually means. So I begin the series here, with a smile and an open heart, surrendering to the gift that God gave me of finally experiencing readiness for Ramadan before the month began versus after it began, Alhamdulilah.
As we watch the first day end, reminded of how quickly this month always flies by, I encourage us all to set daily small intentions the night before for the coming day. Write them down by hand. Cross them off as you finish them. Reflect on the list before breaking your fast. In my home each year, mama asks us to set a main prayer we want to make for the year. Last year, we dedicated it to praying for my dad and asking God to reunite us with him in the hereafter, and asking God to bless him for the incredible gifts he left behind to support us. Set your duaa for the month (which, by the way, doesn’t mean no other things can be prayed for) and remember it throughout the day. Face ugly truths you kept marginalizing since the last Ramadan and be honest with yourself about how you will try to tackle them differently this coming year. Acknowledge your humanness and shortcomings. Embrace all of that in this month of exceptional Mercy, but then remember that this Mercy exists even when the month is over. It exists in Allah, but it also exists when we keep close the teachings of how to be merciful to ourselves and our communities too.
Getting ready is not an overnight task. It also isn’t neat and easy to compartmentalize. Sometimes it takes us the first week of Ramadan to get ready for Ramadan. But all I can say for sure is it takes all of Ramadan to get ready for the year ahead, so may this month give humanity all the readiness it needs to thrive!
