Preface (to the blog):
I once spent Thanksgiving alone, eating a grilled cheese sandwich in the dark, while watching Love Actually. As I munched on the crunchy delicious sandwich I wondered, did I have the right to be a little unappreciative, since my family had entirely left me here and I didn't even have turkey to make a turkey sandwich? And I laughed. Sometimes we all have those moments. But then it occurred to me: Why do we dedicate one weekend to suddenly exposing our gracious desire to be thankful, when we have these things we are thankful for all year long?
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It was almost sunset time and my dad was sitting on the couch, holding his shiny black laptop searching for videos of classical old Arab singers (I mean the black and white Um Kalthoum/Abdel Halim Hafez stuff) on YouTube. I rolled my eyes as I continued to help set the table and prepare the delicious meal that was calling my diet to stop. I didn't really care for those singers that much. Actually, to be truly honest, I cannot stand them. I guess that Arab root is missing from my tree. Anyway, I could hear him clicking, and I could hear him humming to the tunes that blasted through his headphones as he moved his hands and head like a maestro. It continued in this soft harmony until I heard him click hard on his keyboard mouse in an angry way. "Argh! Why isn't this working?!?!" I looked up at him, gave the blasé attitude, shrugged my shoulders and continued working. I thought he probably clicked something wrong on YouTube or had no patience to wait for that annoying red bar at the bottom of the video to completely load before pushing play. Then he took off his headphones and called out to me.
"Why isn't the internet working? I mean it is completely agitating to have to endure this nightly!" Our internet service has its PMS moments. When it feels like working it does. When it does not, it doesn't. I'm not sure why, since we paid for the Verizon Fios blah blah blah stuff and yet we still have to suffer. My brother and I explained to him the numerous times we called. The numerous times we hit restart or unplugged it. But the problems continue.
Had this day NOT been a Tuesday, this incident would have easily slipped my mind. But because it was a Tuesday, the day where I work at the Financial Aid Department of a Family Resource Center, the story made a deeper impact. I had come home rushed and barely able to make the afternoon prayer (Asr). By the time I got cleaned up, it was almost time to break the fast (of Ramadan) and eat. But the day had been more than just physically overwhelming. It had been emotionally a roller coaster too.
That day, instead of the eight clients I had listed for my hours, eight more walk-ins joined the waiting room. My supervisor (a.k.a. mommy hehe) and I could barely manage between client after client. Running from one room to the other to take care of every situation that came our way. It was difficult, but the job is definitely well worth it. But it was hard on this day, honestly we both didn't know why, because we get cases like this ALL the time, but we both returned home feeling heavy hearted and a bit depressed.
Our clientele on that given day ranged from a homeless father with five kids, to a family of 14 with a home that just burned down, searching for a way to pay for the next night at the motel. We had clients come in with torn shirts, pants that looked like they were sizes too small or too big. Clients just begging for a bus pass to get from one location to another in order to beg (yes, beg) for a job. Clients who cry their tears in front of you and you cannot do anything about it. Clients whose children have terminal illnesses at only the ages of infancy. Clients who ask for simply a cup of water because that's all they can find. And the hardest part about it is that we work at a non-profit agency, meaning we solely rely on donations and grants to survive, both of which are completely unsteady. And so it becomes the worst when we have to tell them, "I'm sorry" but we can only offer you half, 1/4, 1/5 or even less of the rent or the bill you have this month. And this money is just to help them stand up on their own till they can find a way.
The first client I ever received was a middle aged man. He was so innocent and quiet and could barely explain his situation. But I managed to hear it. He had asked for an extension on his previous month's electricity bill (which was the reason he came in). It was a large amount that we could only pay for half of. Across the bill was written the warning that his electricity would be shut off in three days--the final day being just the following day. And when I helped him with it, he asked me what he could get for this month's bill that was twice as much and already past due. I shivered as I read the paper, imagining my father, or myself, being in that situation.
We are so blessed that we don't even realize it. Sometimes it really takes a wake up call. Some situation to spark up this, "Oh my god! I really am blessed." I got home and was able to lock the door behind me. I GOT HOME with my car. I HAD A HOME and that in itself was a blessing. When I walked into my dark room after iftar (fast breaking dinner) without second guessing whether or not it would turn on, I flipped the switch for my bedside lamp and soaked in the yellow illumination it brought. I started to cry as I thought of him, and every other client I saw that day. I wanted to just empty out my wallet, donate my closet, and purchase everything else they need. But life doesn't really go that way. Although one person can make a difference, it needs many people to make a change.
I tried to imagine what it would be like to get the foreclosure notice on my doorstep. The one my mother's client had in her hand. I imagined not being able to take my long comfortable warm showers every night because the water was shut off. It felt so awful and I felt even more helpless. I mean what more could I do? I've seen so many administrators from the agency ask for help with donations and volunteers, but it takes people years to make a move and I don't get why.
Each week I walk into that office holding my breath for the next shocker that I am about to see. I let it out as the client sits before, and I ask, "So how can I help you today?" while nervously in fear of what heart breaking story I have to sit through WITHOUT crying.
My wish this Ramadan is split into thirds:
1) I wish people would just be more appreciative of everything around them, even in their pure simplicity. In my final semester of undergraduate we learned about Karl Marx's theory called Alienation of Labor. I was mesmerized by its pure honesty and the mere fact that I lived the opposite, always questioning why we never appreciated the work. I always drank water out of a bottle and thought of whoever worked in that factory creating it. And so when I learned about the theory things made sense. And although the theory goes into the deeper world of labor, it does educate on appreciation for the things that are created on how we often forget who created it and how much effort and time they put into it. So I think we need more of that. To realize that the this electricity moves into our homes is a miraculous and mind boggling invention that we are blessed to have and afford to continue having. And so is everything else we live with today.
2) I really do wish that people take into consideration agencies they neglected before, like the one I worked at called Access California Services (www.accesscal.org) and finding any means in their will power to support it--at least in this blessed month of Ramadan. Donations, how little or big, will OBVIOUSLY be put to good use. Now that back to school season is in, we have numerous parents that cannot afford to buy their children pencils, let alone everything on those scary long lists. So small donations add up. Info to donate can be found on their website. Or checks can be mailed to Financial Dept. at Access California Services - 2180 W. Crescent Ave. - Anaheim, CA - 92801.
3) The final and simplest of all wishes is that we increase our prayers. Those can be done at any moment in any day. And now that we are in Ramadan, a blessed time, prayers are even more special. It's not too hard to pray for your community, your neighbors, and yourself. I ask that we just pray for these people struggling to get the next meal. After all, that is what one of the big reasons is for Ramadan. A means to show us what we have and what we should be thankful for because many others just dream for it.
