Feminism is a word that pushes away most men. Hence, singlehood status. But this past week, I got a glimpse into the reality of feminism. One I was definitely aware of, but never actually lived. One I definitely advocated, boiled my blood over, tasted, but never swam in. I took a dive and found myself drowning, wishing to be saved. But alas, those men that fear true manliness won't near feminism. No, they won't.
Exactly a week ago my mother left town. Her first vacation alone in years. She was so cute as she packed her perfectly matching suitcases and somewhat skipped across the house taking things from here and there. I could see she was happy and so I worked extra hard at hiding the fact that it was hard on me. Bottom line, when I sift through everything and everyone around me, she is what remains. What happens when she isn't? I am exposed to feminism.
I dropped her off at LAX and only allowed a few tear drops as I walked back to the parking structure alone. I thought to myself, "Not a big deal. Two weeks. I've got school. My little brother has school. My dad's at work. And NO ONE is expecting me to cook!" WRONG!!! (to the first sentence and last sentence).
A typical day includes waking up for fajr (the predawn prayer) followed by potentially a long nap, followed by waking up for the day between 7:30 and 9:30 depending on the schedule, completing errands and working, homework, eating a bite somewhere here and there, and going to school in the evening. Now that's MY day. My mother's day involves a lot of reading between those lines.
She wakes up prior to 4:30am ... begins her errands and to do list then. A bit later she wakes all of us up to for the prayer and goes back to working. We usually take the long nap option. Now that she's gone, guess who has to wake up the little one for prayer? Yup, so my alarm is set to ring at 4:45am. But I wish it were that simple. Ever since she left I haven't been able to sleep. Tossing and turning and waking up in the middle of the night thinking: OMG! I MISSED THE PRAYER! I'M LATE TO TAKE MY BROTHER TO SCHOOL! I FORGOT HIS LUNCH! I FORGOT MY MICROECONOMICS PAPER!!!
I hit the clock light to find out it's still 2:31am and I slowly get back into the uneasy sleep. So let's mark it - seven days of improper sleep. Ah, what it has done to my physique and sanity, no one really wants to know.
Following this, I must be ready at 7:00am to make breakfast, coffee and the little one's lunch. If it were a healthy option, I'd throw down a $5 bill and tell him to buy lunch, but that's gross! And so I open the freezer, defrost eggo waffles, pour a glass of milk, take out the bread, make the peanut butter and jelly combo or the turkey etc. combo. It includes a drink, a side of healthy chips, an oatmeal granola bar, some fruit and a napkin. My eyes are barely able to stay open but I pinch myself, especially as I work on the stove making the Turkish coffee for the next member. It smells so good and energizing. And for some reason I always forget to make myself a cup too!
The two men leave. It feels peaceful. I walk back into my room and try and ignore my bed's seductive attempts to pull me back in. By then it's already 8:45 and I just worry if I go back to sleep I will get sucked in for too long and forget the rest of my laundry list of crap to do.
That list never seems to end. Seven days later and it's still not dead. Go to Target and get 7867532347568 items. Go to Ralph's and get 78543768 items. Go to the mall and exchange 2346343 items. Read budgeting chapters 1 and 2 from EACH textbook, read chapter 4 from research methods textbook, read chapter 3 from microeconomics textbook. Type up essay for chapter 4 and chapter 3. Make sure it's double spaced!!!
Now for my mom, this would involve things like: Edit presentation. Confirm appointments. Cancel and reschedule this or that. Print out document. Mail the six envelopes. Review the three chapters that will be taught. Make 767545346687 calls. Drive to 345684325465 places. Pick this up. Drop that off. Make dinner. Try NOT to fall asleep at the traffic light. Survive the rest of the evening.
It amazes me. All of it does. Because in each of these past seven days, the girl that used to sleep at 2:00am now can barely master breathing at 9:30pm. When the clock hits 8:45pm, I am rushing everyone to finish everything off and go upstairs. I shower, write down my new to do list (a new one for each day, and they keep growing!) and finally let my head hit the pillow. And of course then the nightmares begin. And sleep is choppy. And the next day starts all over again.
Women who truly apply themselves into this world, who give themselves a real purpose, are the ones that decide to take on the roles that this world enables them. An active businesswoman, who is also a good friend, no a GREAT friend, a neat freak of undeniable organization, a professional baker and chef, an educated intelligence, a wife and a mom - that's a woman. One exercising her true feminism and femininity at once.
I'm not explaining an epiphany. Really. I knew all this from long ago and advocated. Wished and yearned that these men today appreciated it at the LEAST since they cannot seem to comprehend the need for them to alleviate this pressure and share the tasks that life provide. But what I am saying is that for those who fear that word Feminism, and decide to run away from those women who are strong, independent, adventurous, and are taking an active role in this world to make a difference, are, well, losers. That may come across pathetic and juvenile, but what other word befits this situation?
I don't understand how they can differentiate this and then their mothers. They love their mama (I mean, hello, don't you dare make fun of their mama!). They would do anything for her. But then suddenly comes in a wife, and where does the appreciation go? But then again, let's take a step back. They love their mama but do they appreciate her? And all the work she does? If they sit back and relax and enjoy the free ride of getting their laundry, food and life handed to them on a silver platter at home, of course they're going to take advantage of the next woman in their life. Telling her what she HAS to do for him and what's HER job as a woman. There's another -ism for that ... it's called Sexism. GASP! Not that word!
That word could and has written books and led us no where really. I don't know if there's this hopeful change beyond the horizon for this generation, but, I felt a need to express this after swimming in this pool that my mother has for all these years. And of course I am only doing 5% of what she does and it is unbelievable. The only shocking part is the lack of appreciation I find. The people that speak about this amazing feminism and strength to believe in your full rights as a woman to go out and do whatever it is your abilities allow to make a difference like it's a shameful bad thing. The true shame is that men just cannot get over their sexism and allow us to boast in our well deserved feminism.
