People tell me that I live in a bubble—a perfect bubble that shows me how life should be. Most of the time they tell me that I need to get out of this bubble, break out of my shell, spread my own wings and actually experience the “real world.” The truth is though, I was raised in reality—the reality that many people fail, or refuse, to see. My mother didn’t raise me in Perfect Land; she raised me in Reality Land. She taught me what is right and what is wrong and she gave me the ability to discover this difference on my own. I don’t understand why having this privilege makes me bubbled. I don’t have unbelievable expectations—I have realistic ones.
When the 5th Grade Outdoor Education trip was coming up, I remember the most significant part was the piece of advice my mother handed me on way to the bus. She said, “Remember, before you take a step think: Would I approve of this or not? And that should help you make a decision.” She was, and still is, right. The person who raised me and taught me morals and manners is my mom, so who else would I trust the opinion of? Now, this is the rule I live by, with just a hint of adjustment. I have grown and matured to be an independent woman. I now think of my own approval before I take any steps. However, often times, I’ll push aside my disapproval due to weakness or momentary lapse of judgments; but regret and guilt are what take over afterwards and become the ghosts that haunt me to do good.
Still, with all my confidence, people do a great job of bringing me down. I can see it in so many ladies’ eyes—it’s like they’re rooting for me to fail. For years I believed that’s what it was, but recently I realized they’re not rooting for me to fail, but they have no faith in my strength or abilities; so instead they give me pity and degrading words of advice. When I realized this after a phone call one day, I just wanted to jump from my seat and prove my strength and the fact that having a flaw, doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
For example, I remember one time when a lady came up to me at work and we began having a conversation. She and I knew each other well enough to get past “Hello” and “How are you;” and apparently well enough for her to ask me about when I’ll be getting married. My default response is always, “When I find a man worthy enough.” Most girls say, “When the right guy comes along.” But I noticed men don’t come along. And if they do, and people believe he was sent from heaven miraculously, they rush into the relationship and end up in divorce court.
Marriage is not a fling, it’s a project. You have to be excited for it, dedicated and ready to give it all or nothing. But anyway, the lady’s response was, “There are a lot of great men out there come on.” I looked at her weirdly and shook my head (it was ironic because she had just recently divorced). I explained that a nice balanced man with a bit more good than bad is really hard to find in today’s times. She instantly blamed it on me. “Well then, it must be because of you. Your expectations are too high and you could tone down the arrogance a bit.” It was like someone turned the fire up beneath me and I blew. “Too high? It’s too high to ask for loyalty, love, fidelity, familial orientation, dedication, modesty…?” Apparently it is, because when I explain this laundry list, people roll their eyes and ALL say, “You’re never going to find that. Stop being picky.”
I admire how society is the one lowering their standards and expectations, and then asking of me to do so as well. I figured I’m not in a floating bubble; society is the one drowning!
