Let's give the boys a break. Gloat in the moment as I begin a post about the females.
I never had a sister and I never had the desire for one. Living with two brothers felt perfectly fine for me and I was glad with everything I had. When I watched the way many sisters interacted throughout their years, I didn't see the desperate attraction for one. There was intense rivalry, jealousy beyond belief, hidden secrets and much more. It made me wonder if my personality would have been different and I realized that, along with life, definitely would have been. A lot of girls are too high maintenance these days, but I've found that today the phrase "high maintenance" has become misconstrued. It's applied to anyone who simply likes to put the perfect touch on all that they do, even if it affects no one around them.
That is NOT high maintenance, but the following is:
I've heard/met men that had the hardest time finding their life partners because of the ridiculously high requests the women and/or their families were demanding. Three-month salary wedding rings. Five-thousand square footage houses from a 20-something-year-old young man. The same man who had to most definitely be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. When he couldn't afford it and was heartbroken, I wondered why. Why would he want to be married to someone so shallow with their material requests? One piece of advice I heard was whatever you don't like before marriage, only gets worse after marriage. Imagine what more those women and/or their families would have put them through later on?
That demanding, obsessive and shallow attitude is more than annoying. It's obnoxious from both males and females. It's just a painful buildup that will surely lead to an unwanted explosion in the end. Unfortunately however, it seems that these nags tend to come more often from women than from men, because often men don't notice the details. I guess sometimes that can be relaxing. What is most likely the best solution is balancing out between the two. Finding the middle ground between caring way too much and not caring at all.
Here's a situation I've seen numerous times and it frustrates me before it frustrates the men. The woman is at home all day with the kids, and I know what she's gone through, about to pull her hair out from the stress at home, and so the moment the husband comes home she unloads...everything. I've also seen the opposite scenario: the husband comes home and the wife's exhausted from her day (be it at home or from work) and he's instantly demanding to be fed or pampered like a sultan.
Everybody needs to calm down. I have implemented this rule with my family because I know that every single human desires to walk into his/her home and just take five to ten minutes to themselves to just unwind in peace. Since in the Arab culture, women aren't out and about working but more often at home, this is usually a rule I try to encourage more women to try.
Men (and women) are exhausted from their days, but if you've been at home, even if stressed and exhausted from the day's toll, it's a lot different to be out and just thirsty for the taste and scent of your own home.
I was once sitting and talking with a couple. The husband, a kind man who actually loves her very much (a rare species these days), begins discussing a particular lecture we all recently attended and suddenly the peaceful calm begins to resemble the calm before the storm. His wife begins badgering him about his opinion and it goes back and forth for a few minutes and the wife seems utterly oblivious to the fact that he was over that petty point, so she didn't stop. He tolerated it for the first few minutes before his voice started to rise and my fear started to rise with it as well.
With another couple I visited, I saw a slightly pushy wife, who tried to control her husband. Now when I say control, I don't mean major crazy mind control, but things like, "Honey, eat now." "Baby, go do this now." I got annoyed after the first 30 minutes when I heard 460,967 different orders she gave him. Why is that the super polite amazing guys have wives that I just want to strangle? Then, on the other hand, the really sweet girl that knows how to treat her husband properly ends up with a guy who cannot appreciate or love her?
Once upon a time a friend of mine tried to set me up with a guy and the reason she supported this setup was because, "He is so slow and takes his time to do everything just like you. You know, high maintenance." Besides the backhanded compliment she slapped me with, I wondered why being an individual who takes her time to do things well means being high maintenance, unlike her, who constantly dictated every single human being's life around her?
I met the guy and he was slow, and by slow, I mean S-L-O-W. Boring, lazy, uninteresting and incapable of making any efforts or initiatives. I left the night realizing how misconstrued that phrase has gotten. If someone likes doing things by the book, not leaving what can be done today for tomorrow, how is that high maintenance? I never ask my brothers or even the men I was getting to know (1) who texted him, (2) where they went, (3) who they were with, (4) why they were late, (5) why they didn't call, etc. I have relatives like that. I think I am gray in the head because of them!
The biggest problem with this personality type is that it is one that rarely, if ever, listens to/accepts advice; and I am speaking from experience. My advice to one of these women (though she has not yet implemented it) is to try for at least week training herself to not immediately unleash an interview like auction style questionnaire to her husband when he comes home from work. To try and just enjoy the embrace that they share in each others' arms and maybe even relax on the couch for a few minutes. And if there are kids, train them to do the same. Invite them to join you guys for the group hug. In a study I read during my years obtaining my Sociology degree, it stated that in order for a human to feel fulfilled and relaxed, he/she needs an average of about 7-10 human touches a day. So a kiss, a hug, a warm hand to hold, all those instill a sense of relief and happiness to loved ones, and that's what every member of the family needs.
Don't ask your spouse when coming home from work, "How was work? What did you do today?" He/she just spent the entire day there. The last thing they want to do is relive it. If they want to vent, they will vent. I know that from experience too. Sometimes the best step is to just give them a bit of space to breathe and unwind. I'm not saying don't talk. I'm saying don't nag. It gets on everyone's nerves.
It's just a notice for those who really have a man in their life. Someone surprisingly treating them with wonderful care and devotion.
If you have a treasure like that, then treasure it. Don't trash it. Many people, male and female, are finding that a rare staple in life.
