Maybe this is the question Shakespeare should have asked long ago. It just may have saved us all. What is the difference between loving and being in love? The answer—a lot. The mere fact that a person can “fall in” love only presents the fact that they can “fall out” of it as well. But when you love, the deep love, past the romance and excitement, you experience an emotion that becomes an everlasting imprint upon your heart. And this is the love that seems to last the longest.
This is the love that exists in the heart of the mother to her three week old embryo. This is the love that settles in the heart of families and best friends. This is the love that lives in memories of great times—ones that bring that smile each time. So maybe this is the love that we should truly search for when looking for The One? Not the spark that may turn into a flame—but the welcoming comfort that will turn into an entrance to lifelong commitment. Sparks and flames are not everlasting—a gust of wind can turn off a lot. And in this world, everyone seems to live in windy towns. I hear many talk about that “love” not being there anymore, the love fading away, and the disappearance of what they once had. Maybe it was the wrong love all along?
Couples today want to fall in love and hope the free-fall lasts forever. Physics states what comes up must always come down. History proves every ruler that managed to get up high, always came back down, hard. Why is falling in love any different? Gravity has control of everything on Earth. Maybe if you find that love that is so amazing it sends you to the moon, you two may have quite a chance—but good luck on that one! For the rest of us, glued to Earth, we have to find the “down to Earth” love that won’t make us trip and fall. The love that will bring us towards the happiness worth arguing and fighting for any day.
When I was younger, I use to ask a lot about relationships and marriage. I became more and more aware of the way Muslims could marry. It never made sense to me how falling in love was not even on the list of marriage prerequisites, not until I began fully researching it. Now it is the only thing that makes sense. How can falling in love be a prerequisite when there is a big chance of falling out of it? Shouldn’t the marriage be based on a sturdy foundation, in order to create an everlasting relationship? “So if you can’t date and it’s not based on falling in love, how do you meet a man to marry?” The most commonly asked question after people discover the truth about our relationships.
In the Islamic ways, the focus of a relationship is the mentality and personality of the people. So there are no physical relations until after the wedding. This obviously means that there is no relationship unless there is the intention of marriage from the start—this helps to avoid a lot of drama, regret and a long recorded past. However, it becomes difficult awaiting love and not falling.
And sometimes this is the reason, the hope that one grasps on to when they want to get through a chance that failed. It’s this thought that keeps one’s sanity and brings about that 1% of joy that this potential chance broke because this is one less opportunity of a loveless marriage. It could have been much worse had we said “I do.” So I keep this playing in my mind until slowly it becomes the believable reality. And when I am finally through the tunnel, I look back and see the past and realize the incompatibility. That is when I feel thankful for not loving, but merely falling. At least with a fall, you can always get back up again.
