(Unfortunately) She's Just That Into You

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Or she's not! But either way you won’t get it or accept it. Either way we women are screwed. Screwed I tell ya! Nothing we do is ever satisfying enough. Yup, I know we've heard this broken record from men about women before but I've got a few recollections here to prove otherwise; and, well honestly, a call out to men and women. Don't you think it's time we cut the crap? These sickening dysfunctional mind games that put no one at ease at the end of the day?

What a ridiculous world we live in today where a woman’s feelings are not as valued as a man’s, but then again where in this world is a woman valued as much as a man? It becomes such a frustration when these double standard type situations arise and no one recognizes the significant impact they place upon societal standards and upbringing. Since when was romance biased? Only a beautified rush when a man conducts it and not when a woman?

Why is it welcome with open arms when a man confesses his feelings for a woman but not the other way around? If a girl merely expresses just a slight interest in a man who appeared worth her valuable time she’s dubbed a “crazy, emotional, obsessive stalker,” despite the fact that she really doesn’t do anything excessive. You know, treats him normally, like a friend, says yes when he invites her, manages to smile a little more when she’s around him, and enjoys his presence. Somebody call the stalker police, all hell seems to have broken loose!

Now let’s take this one step further. She’s interested, so by some unknown standard of some invisible law, he automatically has to be turned off, right? Because apparently men only want the chase. The mystery and confusion of the elusive character they mistakenly called woman. The sad truth is most of us women are pretty straightforward and decent, we just run around in circles trying to comprehend the elusive creature called man. But see here’s the first piece of crap we need to cut. I don’t believe this whole “men are from Mars women are from Venus” shpeel. At the end of the day we are both human, living on this poor earth that has enough damage and suffering. Why must we add on to that with such ridiculously petty useless games? We are people with hearts and minds and all we have to do is just use them. But we don’t…or most don’t.

Just last week I spent an evening at Starbucks enjoying a warm summer-like breeze. After a good ten minute inside out search of my purse I came to accept the fact that I really did forget my headphones at home and so I had to settle for the musical tunes of the various conversations each surrounding table was having. The two older Persian men in front of me were having a heated debate—only bits of which I understood thanks to the similarities between Arabic & Farsi and the fact that it was being drowned out by the obnoxiously loud women on the adjacent table. Then there was that one girl, sitting at the table behind me, deeply engrossed in the phone conversation she was having.

“I’m just like you Jason. We’re two peas in a pod!” She let out a small laugh before continuing. “Except different sexes. So honestly if you like her then just tell her. I mean she’s shown interest in you as well, so what’s the problem?” Suddenly I was intrigued. Were my ears deceiving me or was there a man out in this 21^st century struggling to confess his feelings for a woman, wishing she would end his misery and confess first? Ah what a concept! But dear sir, when we do such things you do not rejoice!

However, back to our original non-Renaissance scenario. So a woman is into a man, and he’s freaked out—just by that mere fact—and he slips into his awful moody rejection phase and either says no or acts it. (Look, I get it if she’s seriously stalking you, plotting out your wedding day after you just met, and already talking like you two are something, I definitely suggest running. I would do the same. But the bottom line is most women are really not like that, but most men take every damn nice thing a woman does as overkill. We women will forever suffer from a rare form of male PTSD.) Now our scenario girl has to move on and abandon the hopes her heart couldn’t help but generate. Her interests and feelings are of no real value because, well, she’s a woman.

If it was the other way around (which it has been in my and many other women’s cases) and the woman says no, we’ve sinned. We’ve made a stupid decision and rejected an opportunity we may never receive again—like these men were just doing us a favor. And you know what, those men actually treat us that way. At first our rejection is laughed off, denied, then they try again and the sly backhanded compliments come out. So then when we try and defend our dignity and well-deserved self-respect we are dubbed b*****s with attitude problems. Ridiculous! Those kinds of b*****s you don’t want? Just the cold Kardashian looking vixens?

It’s far worse when we are reprimanded by other women for not having mutual interests in those men. “Why did you say no to him?” she asked as we stood still in the bumper-to-bumper traffic on the 101 Freeway. “He and I are not compatible with each other. I don’t look for love but rather a man I can envision my life with now and in the future. He’s not the one I see. Not my type.” She wasn’t impressed. “So?” she asked. I nodded my head as I looked away from her and back at the sea of red lights before me. I was nodding not in approval of her but rather in acceptance that this is the sad reality we are sinking in. In my head I wondered why every man I ever desired couldn’t just say the same thing. “So what if I am not attracted to her? Into her? Or her type? Let’s throw caution to the wind and give her a shot anyway?”

The funny thing is, from my experience, every man I had to politely decline was someone that I not only couldn’t envision my life with but someone that started to trail down that stalkerish, obsessive, controlling, flawed path. You know, messages six times a day, consistent attempts to try and change my stubborn refusal, creepy sudden awareness of my personal life, etc. So our rejection reasons were legitimate, but it leaves us women wondering: when we don’t take those disturbing paths ourselves with the men we are attracted to, what inspires them to head the other way? And what on earth attracts the shady characters to camp out in our way?

Is it because suddenly we can manage an unconscious Kardashian vixen cold front with the men we are absolutely turned off by? So they want us now? Because suddenly we appear like a chase-able alpha female? And then the men we do find intriguing, the ones we give time and space and wait for them to make a move, what? They mysteriously have some sort of sonar that senses the internal vibe of attraction we make such an effort to hide?

Here are my final wise words of venting. I believe in that Golden Rule: Treat people the way you want to be treated. Honestly I take it as literally as it could possibly be taken. The man that I don’t want to hear from, I can’t help but desire not talking to him. Especially after I made that fact clear and he doesn’t seem to comprehend it despite the number of years senior he is to me. And the man that I am intrigued by, that I’ve maturely deduced as a potentially decent value to life, well I can’t help but desire to communicate with him. And by communicate I certainly don’t mean hourly text messages, bombarding emails and surprise appearances at events I found out about through his Facebook wall. I mean just slowly getting to know him, trying to get together through social events and projects because the desire to see him will be natural, and just enjoying the passage of time with him till we reach whatever destiny has set for us.

(Unfortunately) she’s just that into you, and at the end of this 21^st century day, you just may not be damn well worth it after all because you probably won't care.