"At least he
didn't hit her." That was when I lost it. Not in the flip out go crazy and
overreact way, but in the knot in my stomach memory way. It was only innocent
fun, I know, but to a certain extent. My mom once told me, as a poet, I am
forever destined to experience things a lot deeper than the average person.
That’s just how it goes.
Having just recently
escaped an absolutely draining and manipulative relationship turned marriage, I
have slowly reawakened to a great deal of realities, and one came about during
this very simple debate. The topic: Feminist Disney films. The controversy: Whether
or not Belle was a feminist character.
Disney has always
found itself to be the center of controversy on so many levels in this day and
age, but it has become clear that with the recent changes in society, they have
quickly hopped on board the feminism train, and it truly is refreshing.
It all started with Frozen, at least our debate did, and how
that was one of the most revolutionary Disney films that redefined a woman’s
role. From there it snowballed. The list grew to include Mulan and Brave; but then
came about Beauty and the Beast.
“What?” I caught myself shrieking. “Seriously?” And without a second thought,
the following words just flew right out of my mouth, “That film is basically
teaching women that you can assuredly change an abusive man with love.” Even I caught
myself by surprise in the 30-second silence that followed. How did I never
recognize this analysis until now?
Almost immediately
though, the gentleman of the group defended his thesis. “It depicts a nerdy
strong female character who refused to marry the town fool and stood up to her
people.” I raised an eyebrow. “You mean the pitchfork Salem witch hunter crew?
Um, okay.” I never saw Belle as nerdy, but rather as an educated woman and an
avid reader. Who wouldn’t love that gorgeous library? And as for the town fool,
honestly, even at four years old, I hated Gaston. He was just…gross!
However, underneath
all of that remains a very disturbing message that is often, if not always,
overlooked. It truly instills the mindset that even a beast can evolve into a
prince with the unique love of a woman. So there she was, the educated
beautiful classy Belle, putting up with this beast time and time again because
she had faith. It’s that faith that can lead us to our demise. It’s that spark
of hope that leads you to trust and open up to a beast because you want to
eternally believe that the prince, buried somewhere deep in there, will
eventually come out.
In the sickeningly devolving Arab
culture (that I am slowly but surely ridding myself of) women are trained to
embrace the “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” mentality. As a female,
you will always be blamed and you must always take the fall for whatever your
beast/prince does. If he cheats on you, you’re the flaw. If he beats you, you
caused it. If he psychologically destroys you, you’re stupid. What makes it
worse? It’s your feminine duty to nurture the boy back into loving you with
your soft caresses and gentle kisses. I heard it all and lived a lot of it too.
All that is only reinforced when Belle watches the hairy monster magically
transform beneath the gray rain. Suddenly his sharp piercing blue eyes appear
soft and serene. She did it. She changed him. She tamed the beast.
I recently came
across an article that countered a long-lived misconception: WIVES ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE UPBRINGING OF THEIR HUSBANDS. Yet somehow, we are continuously expected
to be. We have to go above and beyond the extreme love and passion, strip
ourselves of our worth, in order to protect and serve the men. Yeah, you know
what, no! When I was kicked out of the house that never really became mine,
shivering and in shock, I suddenly remembered who I was. But all I could hear
was the echo of the beast yelling at me. Cursing me. Breaking me down and
informing me of how utterly worthless and incompetent I was at being a lover
and a person. Time and time again I heard, “At least I didn’t hit you.”
“At least I didn’t
cheat on you.”
“At least I didn’t go
get drunk.”
“At least I didn’t
leave you.”
Often, I think I
wished he did all of the above, so that the underlying pain my heart felt could
be justified to the world, because telling someone you were emotionally,
verbally or psychologically abused doesn’t seem to suffice. But I held on
because from the first night, I saw the prince in his eyes and I watched as
rose petal after rose petal fell. By the last petal though, I had no prince.
Everyone is
captivated by the perfection and romance when the Beast gives Belle the
library. Your heart sings. The butterflies swirl. You can’t help but say,
“Aww,” in lust. Yes, abusive men can still do beautiful things. I know. I ache
when my brain remembers what beautiful romantic things I experienced, yet I
ache even more when I realize I convinced myself that those blissful pieces
were supposed to be enough to erase the invisible bruises and breaks.
No one noticed how
silent I got right after that statement, but it was a trigger. Luckily the
night was ending, and as I walked to my car with one of my girlfriends, I
couldn’t help but get back to that point. Shaking my head in surprise at how
unconsciously applicable that all was to what I just encountered.
“Yeah, but that’s
Disney,” she said. “Most, if not all, their films revolved around that very
same idea. A woman’s sole purpose is to find and/or fix a prince because that’s
when her happily ever after begins.” I nodded, knowing that it was true.
Somehow we grew up with these films and I am grateful to see the expansion of
female characters and roles with the changing times.
If anything, I think
the feminist award is a tie between Mulan and Merida, from Brave. Mulan did join battle to honor her family and she did manage
to meet a man who literally fell in love with her personality. However, Merida
was that bold little red headed rebel who decided to fight for her own hand in
marriage, and I can’t help but admire that too!
