I'd like to share a quote from the upcoming draft for eager readers. It spoke deeply to me (although most chapters have) and I could not help but stop midway in writing this chapter (which was entirely on my phone — thank iPhone 6 plus) to release a very painful cry. I know it will be some time before there comes a day of complete closure but until then, your love and my writing outlet are the greatest gifts.
Enjoy.
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"For too long I believed I was (demented) and he, just a poor unlucky man who happened to only stumble upon messed up women. Sometimes I find myself crying in the shower, hoping the sound would be muffled from my mother whose heart can't handle anymore of my misery. I wonder, am I really wrong? Did I leave someone genuinely good because my fear and anxiety were out of whack? It's the scariest self dilemma to face but I always come out a winner when I remember what a relief I feel every day that passes without him. How much weight has been lifted that I am finally able to breathe again. What an amazing sense of liberation it is to never again walk on eggshells. And how absolutely phenomenal it is to love myself again and have faith in God—not man—that I will be okay even without a husband. And that if a man comes along, I am now wiser and stronger, capable of knowing right from wrong. And if I say yes to him, it will be because my heart knows God sent me this one to make my life even greater than it already will be. That's how I know I was right. I was right all along and I was right when walking away."
